Don't call this a breakfast burrito. It shames and degrades the awful glory and majesty of this culinary delight. Ridiculously filling and easy to make (despite the far-too-lengthy directions and name), this is one of my favourite things to eat. It can be made in one skillet or two, depending on whether or not you have one of those skillets that's six feet wide or not. If you don't, use two skillets.

You will need: three large eggs, one of those big huge flour tortillas, salsa, hot sauce, two or three medium potatoes, half a medium onion or so, salt and pepper, spices (more on that in a bit), butter, heavy cream or half-and-half and some shredded cheddar cheese.

First, put the skillet on medium-high heat, and drop in a few spoonfuls of butter. Then you need to make the potatoes and onions. Wash the potatoes (you don't have to get rid of all the dirt, dirt adds flavour and zest, and occasionally mysterious spores), then get a grater and shred the lovely little tubers (yes, skin and all). Chop the onions coarsely - big chunks. When the butter in the skillet has melted, add the shredded potatoes. Start spicing immediately - I like salt, lots of coarse-ground black pepper (fresh, of course - otherwise get the cannister of big chunky black pepper, none of that powdery crap), a bit of chili powder, some onion, a bit of garlic, some cayenne pepper and a little paprika. Now let this cook a bit. You're likely to have spent at least ten minutes on this so far. Not long now, I promise. Stir up the potatoes occasionally, letting them all get cooked, adding more butter if you need to. Towards the end, let them sit in the skillet and get a nice golden brown, then flip them over with a spatula and cook on the other side. Once they start sticking together in what could be called a delicious mass of buttery fried potato goodness, it's very much almost time.

Meanwhile, your eggs. Crack them open (the one-handed crack is fun and easy - hold the egg in your hand, break the shell against the rim of a bowl, and spread the two halves apart with your fingers and thumb - takes some practise but can be used to impress and amaze your friends and that special friend who just stayed the night) into a bowl, add a bit of heavy cream or half-and-half (this makes them a bit fluffier and gives them some extra flavour) and a few splashes of hot sauce. Stir them up with a wire whisk (a fork will also do, but will not blend them as well) like you are making scrambled eggs, because that is what you are about to do. When it is all blended, add some more butter to your skillet, push the potatoes off to one side, and pour in the eggs. Let them cook up like scrambled eggs, stirring them around with a fork or spatula. Add some salt and pepper, and let them finish cooking.

Now! Your tortilla, it will need to be softened. The easiest way to do this is to get your hands wet under the kitchen faucet, and them rub them against the tortilla to get it damp. Then microwave it for about ten seconds. When it is softened and warm, and your eggs are almost done, add a handful or six of shredded cheddar cheese to your eggs. Let it melt and get mixed in. Make a line of potatoes on your tortilla, then a few splashes of hot sauce, and then the cheesy eggs. I like to add more hot sauce at this point, or some more black or cayenne pepper. Now you will have to roll your tortilla into an open-ended burrito. Lots of people make the mistake of rolling it like a tube. No no no! I am here to explain proper open-ended burrito-rolling. I think.

Imagine your tortilla is a circle, because it is. Now imagine it is sectioned off into thirds. You want to add your potatoes and eggs to the line that separates one third from another, not in the middle. Now, fold the bit of tortilla on the side nearest to the eggs and potatoes over the eggs and potatoes. Go 90 degrees in either direction, and grab that bit of the tortilla. Fold that towards the centre as much as you can. Now you can roll your tortilla up like a tube, and the folded part should magically end up where it touches the plate. At this point, pour your salsa over the top of the burrito, and serve with a fork and a steak knife (for cutting) and a little more salsa and hot sauce on the side, just in case. Since eggs and potatoes are generally considered breakfast foods (those who think so underestimate the loveliness of four over-medium eggs with hot sauce and buttered toast as a midnight snack), coffee goes wonderfully with this. So does orange juice, or some English Breakfast tea if you like black tea (I don't).

Substitutions etc.: If you like meat, bacon is good in this. Sometimes I will make this with veggie "bacon". Whole strips or just crumblies and bits mixed in are both good. Crumbled sausage (again, I sometimes make this with veggie "sausage") is good, too. Really, anything that goes well in an omelette will go well in this - mushrooms, bell peppers, etc. Because of the size of this beast, you might consider using a few smaller tortillas instead of one big one, so you can eat it with your hands. In that case, no salsa on the top, just on the side (or inside). Also in that case, share with others! Food, like coffee, is best when shared.